I Wont Fear Love
by RachelDemented
Summary: Future; Angel/Cordelia; Cordelia tries to hold on to her new family and Angel, but her husband wont allow her to have it all, and Cordelia’s faced with the hardest decision of her life.
1. 1

I Wont Fear Love

b ____________________________________________ a

**Note:** This is just a little something I started writing one night a few months back. I recently found it in my hard drive and started adding to it again. I have a good idea of where to head with it, I think, actually hope, so I hope you enjoy it. Don't take much of it too seriously…I haven't had any beta's read into it to tell me if it sucks. Thanks.

I Wont Fear Love 

By [Rachel][1]

Rating: PG

Summary: Future; Angel/Cordelia; Cordelia tries to hold on to her new family and Angel, but her husband wont allow her to have it all, and Cordelia's faced with the hardest decision of her life. Originally inspired by Fumbling Towards Ecstasy:

(The words…in case you've never heard the song)

Fumbling Towards Ecstasy—Sarah McLachlan 

All the fear has left me now/I'm not frightened anymore/Its my heart that pounds beneath my flesh/It's my mouth that pushes out this breath/And if I shed a tear I wont cage it/I wont fear/And if I feel a rage I wont deny it/I wont fear love/Companion to our demons/They will dance and we will play/With chairs, candles, and cloth/Making darkness into day/it will be easy to look in on or out, upstream or down, without a thought/And if I shed a tear I wont cage it/I wont fear love/And if I feel a rage I wont deny it/I wont fear love/Peace in the struggle to find peace/Comfort on the way to comfort/And if I shed a tear I wont cage it/I wont fear love/And if I feel a rage I wont deny it/I wont fear love/I wont fear love

b____________________________________________a

It was two am, seven years after Angel Investigations opened, and almost eight months since Cordelia had retired.

Angel sat in the maternity ward waiting room at the hospital in the dead of morning as Cordelia and her husband, John, had their first baby. He sat back with his head to the wall, smiling profusely, a distant look in his eyes, waiting, excitedly, and as nearly anxiously, as if it were his own baby being born, all the while listening to Cordelia's groans and moans from down the hall.

The waiting room was quiet, but his sensitive vampire hearing picked up even her most silent of whimpers as she forced her baby out into the world. He'd also heard the cursing and blame she blasted John with, and chuckled to himself as he imagined the way she must look at that moment. He lost himself in his own amusement until his head snapped up at the magnificent sound of a new baby breathing its first wail…

Cordy was 23 when she finally met the guy of her dreams. And a year later, she married him. Her wedding was held in a candlelit garden beneath the moon. John had wanted a church wedding, but she had insisted on the non-traditional outdoor version so that Angel could attend.

He gave her away.

It was one of the proudest moments in his life…

They were, afterall, family. And not having any female friends, Wesley Wyndham-Pryce had been Cordelia's maid— _er,_ _best-friend _of_,_ honor, and Gunn, Charles Gunn, had also stood by her. Besides Cordy, the entire wedding party was made up of men. Besides Angel, Wesley, and Gunn, Willow and Tara had been the only friends of Cordelia's in attendance; the rest of the guests were all John's family. No one else had been invited.

Angel stood with anxiousness. His rush of blood, acquired from his usual dinner pint-warmed straight from the microwave-feeding earlier that evening, made him feel a tad dizzy and he started to pace the floor. He had paused and stared at the door to the birthing room three times before the nurse had finally come out, much to his relief and at Cordelia's request, and told him everything went fine, and he'd be able to see Cordelia as soon as she got cleaned up. The nurse smiled behind her mask at the visible admiration that washed over his face, and she asked him to follow her down the hallway. He went without question.

She brought Angel to a large glass window and told him to look. Angel turned his head, and for the first time, laid eyes on Cordelia's baby girl.

It hurt to look at her. But it was a good kind of hurt.

Angel stood, completely frozen, while he stared down at her…freshly pink, twitching tiny limbs stretched out beneath a pastel blanket; five fingers, five toes and perfectly healthy, and perfectly Innocent, and free…the epitome of everything he had ever sought for…

She was beautiful.

Within twenty minutes Cordelia was sitting up in bed, and though rather sore, smiling with tears in her eyes as Angel stared gaping down at her.

"You did it," He whispered as he rubbed her fingers within his own.

"I know." She nearly cried.

"She's beautiful."

"She is, isn't she." Cordelia did start crying then, and John made his way to sit on the bed beside his wife.

b____________________________________________a

Within a couple of hours, and just before day break, Angel was holding Cordelia's arm helping her through the door while John held the baby, already inside the upper-class Northridge home. Yes, John made a good living.

"God, I'm so relieved I'm not fat anymore," Cordy sighed. Angel smiled.

"Me too."

"It's a lot easier to maneuver,"

"It's a lot easier to maneuver you."

"Hey!" She batted his shoulder with the back of her hand.

"Sorry," Angel smiled meekly.

"It's okay, I know I was as big as a house…"

Cordelia paused as they stood in the foyer just inside the door. John stood at the edge of the hall, his baby in his arms and his eyes focused intently on her, gazing down at her, staring at her as if she were the most precious thing on earth…and of course she was. He was lost in her, and Cordelia felt herself begin to choke up again.

"Oh, god, Angel."

"What's wrong?" He asked, alarmed at her fresh tears. "Is something wrong?"

"God, no, nothing could be more perfect!" She gasped. She waived her hand in front of her face, trying to dry her tears as Angel squeezed her arm tighter to him. "Just look…look at my husband…with _my_ baby."

"I see," Angel sighed contentedly, slipping his arm around her shoulder and holding her to him. "Congratulations, Cordelia. You did good." He pressed his lips to her forehead and kissed her.

"I done real good," She sniffled. After a long shared gaze and a slight chuckle they entered the house.

"You have to hold her," Cordelia was saying as she held the tiny newborn close to Angel. John stared past her at the newborn's face. Angel shook his head slightly and held up his hands,

"No, Cordy, I don't think—"

"Angel! You are going to hold my baby!"

"Cordy, no—"

"Cord," John said. "If he doesn't want to—"

"OF COURSE HE WANTS TO," Cordelia said, shooting him a warning look. John shut up. Angel looked afraid. But still, Cordy slipped her into his arms and Angel stared down at the tiny life he literally held in his hands.

"See!" Cordelia beamed proudly. "You're a natural! Nothing to be afraid of!" She started to move away and headed towards the kitchen, suddenly yawning as she reached the refrigerator and opened its door.

Angel stared down at the six and a half pound baby girl wrapped in the mandatory baby blanket that came with the hospital visit and the little cotton cap covering a tuft of dark brown hair… 'Yep, this kid is going to look like Cordelia,' he thought. Without even realizing it, he had started to rock her. Eyes closed, she yawned, little pink gums revealed behind her tiny parted lips, and her little pink tongue… She was so tiny. Angel stared at her oddly. From the awed expression on his face, you'd think he'd never seen a baby before. His wide eyes watched her carefully, And for the moment he'd forgotten about everything but the tiny bundle of warmth in his arms…

John watched Angel intently with his newborn daughter.

"John…can you come here?" Cordelia called from the kitchen. John looked up then took another glance at Angel before rising from his seat and following her, leaving Angel alone with the baby.

When she opened her eyes, Angel was startled by the serene intensity.

They were blue, nearly a dark turquoise; they'd probably be hazel like her mothers, he thought; and she stared up at him, eyes bouncing slightly as she struggled to remain focused on his face. She stared up at him with nothing but trust, and maybe a little curiosity. Angel exhaled a sharp breath. She wiggled a hand free of the cloth that bound her and Angel took a closer look at the baby bracelet secured on her tiny wrist:

"Taylor, Evelyn Angel"

Angel looked up, mouth ajar, towards the direction of the kitchen.

"Angel, do you want something to drink???" Cordy called out just then. Without an answer, Cordelia came out bearing two mugs with John following behind her carrying a third.

"Cordy!" Angel said, his mouth still agape.

"What?" She asked, setting down a cup of rich, warm blood, fresh from the microwave, in front of her friend. John eyed them both and stayed standing.

"Cordy!"

"What???"

"Her name! Did…did you see her name!"

"Huh?" Cordy made a face then slid down on the sofa beside him and took her daughter's fragile arm gently in her hand. She read the bracelet. "John!" She said, looking up at him sternly. "Do you realize that our daughter's initials spell EAT???"

Angel looked up at John expectantly and Cordelia broke out into laughter.

"Cord wanted it that way." John said simply.

"Cordy," Angel hushed. She stopped laughing and looked at him seriously.

"If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have her."

"Cordy," He whispered again, looking back down into Evelyn's eyes as she started to coo. Angel was choked up. Cordy knew it, but she allowed him his dignity and just watched him, smiling.

"Your bloods getting cold," John reminded him, then offered his arms. "May I?"

"Oh," Angel looked up and started to hold out the baby. "Of course."

"Cord, I'm going to take her into the nursery,"

"Okay, sweetie," She said tiredly. John smiled and taking the baby from Angel's arms, started down the hallway towards the stairs. Evelyn let out a little cry of disappointment at being disturbed but John started whispering to her, and she fell silent.

Angel stared at Cordelia as he walked away.

"God, I must look like hell," She said, suddenly smoothing her long dark hair. A few hours ago she'd been drenched in sweat, and now, completely flat and lifeless, her mane had settled around her like a dry film. She was almost too tired to care, almost, but Cordelia Chase-Taylor would never let her appearance go completely unchecked…She tried to fluff it up.

"You look great." Angel spoke softly.

"Thanks."

Angel picked up his mug and sipped his snack. Cordelia in turn picked up her mug and sipped her tea. Both settled into a comfortable silence.

"I should probably go," Angel finally said.

"No," Cordelia smiled. "Stay."

"No," Angel glanced at the clock, then at the shades of the windows, growing lighter and lighter in the early morning. "It's close to dawn…you're tired. John's tired. I'm sure you two want to hole up with your child for a few days." A look of complete contentment passed over Cordelia's face. "And besides," He continued. "I've got to get some sleep. Gunn, Wesley and I have a lot of work to do later today,"

"Ah, work!" Cordelia sighed, slumping back against the couch and closing her eyes. "I can't WAIT until I can get back to work!"

"What do you mean?" Angel stopped her. She opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"Work, you know, that little thing I used to do at A.I. back before you gave me the order to stay home and put my feet up and wait to pop??? Well, I've finally popped, and I want to go back to work,"

"No, Cordy," Angel was shaking his head.

"What do you mean, NO?"

"Just what it sounds like, NO. No way are you coming back to work. You just had a baby—"

"Well, I didn't mean right away…in a few months,"

"No, not at all! You have a family now, no way are you coming back to work at Angel Investigations. Its too dangerous." Cordy stared at him in an angry gape.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN!"

"You're retired now, you don't work anymore,"

"I'm not retired! I just took some time off—"

"Cordy, you're retired. That's the end of it."

Angel got an angry silence from her before she finally bit.

"Are you FORBIDING ME???

Angel thought about this for a moment. "Yes." He answered.

"ANGEL!"

Angel shook his head and started to rise with Cordelia mimicking his movements.

"Cordelia…go to your husband. Go to Evelyn."

She followed him to the doorway and at the mention of her daughter's name she stopped, tears springing to her eyes and a no-holds-barred smile etching its way across her face. Angel felt a low, silent laugh start in his throat at the sudden happiness betraying her features.

"See, Cordy…you've got too much to live for now."

She said nothing but met his gaze with an air of recognition. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her, then whispered goodbye and left. Cordelia sighed as the door closed. She came forth and locked it, then retraced her steps through the living room towards the stairs, and headed up to her new life.

"I'm so tired," Cordelia said as she walked up to her husband's side and peeked over his shoulder at her little princess now sleeping soundly in the basinet.

"Cord, we need to discuss something,"

"Hmn?" She asked lazily, eyes focused on her sleeping daughter.

"I know how much you…well, I know what he means to you," John, sighed, speaking in a low whisper and moving away from the basinet to stare at his wife. Cordelia in turn stared back.

"Who?" She asked.

"Angel…well, do you think it's a good idea to let him be so close to Evelyn—"

"What do you mean!" Cordelia snapped in her lowest voice. John turned away and headed towards the door.

"He's a vampire, Cord…tell me that doesn't mean anything."

"It doesn't!"

"I think it does." He could see the obvious rage building up on her face, and he dangerously took a step towards her, reaching out and rubbing her arms. Cordelia's jaw went taught. "Cord…I just don't want her to be left alone with him, not for a while…and I definitely don't want her near him when he's feeding—"

"Angel doesn't feed!" She said bitterly. "He drinks, from a cup, just like everyone else!"

"He drinks blood from a cup."

"DUH! He needs blood—"

"I don't want him getting any ideas—"

"John!" Cordelia pulled away from him and stared up at him in disbelief. "Do you hear yourself??? This is ANGEL we're talking about, not some soulless demon! And besides, I've known him for ten years. He's all I had for ten years. He's the reason we met, the reason we got together, the reason we have her—"

"Cord, I know. And I'm not saying that he's a bad person, I'm just saying—"

"What!" She hissed. "That he's a monster?"

John paused.

"Well? That's what you were getting at, right?" Cordelia was blatantly angry now, eyes no longer tired but burning brightly with fierceness. John reluctantly nodded his head. "I can't believe you." Cordelia said disappointedly. John shrugged. 

"Your words, not mine."

The next few moments were spent in a silent, contemplative stare and didn't end until Evelyn started to make noise. Cordelia turned her back on the man she had pledged to honor for the rest of her life and went to her needy daughter. 

"Shhh…" She hushed her as she scooped her into her arms and started to pace the floor, rocking her gently, and disregarding her husband completely.

"We'll talk about this later, Cord," John sighed and started out to their bedroom.

"No, we wont." She answered defiantly. He paused and looked at her, her back to him but the anger completely visible throughout…even as she tended to her newborn. John rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Don't listen to him," Cordelia whispered when he was finally gone. She glanced crossly at the now empty place where he'd been standing the moment before, before raising her daughter's face to her lips and planting a soft kiss on her temple. "You're going to know and love your uncle Angel, and that's all there is too it… Don't listen to him."

Cordelia retired to her rocking chair and fed her baby. She sat there rocking her for hours, well past sun up, letting her anger deflate. It was nearly 8:00 am by the time she went to bed.

b____________________________________________a

Angel had lay in bed as 3:00 pm rolled around. He could feel the constant pressure of the daylight start to retract as the afternoon grew later. By four he heard Wesley and Gunn walk through the front doors of the hotel lobby downstairs reporting for work. Angel climbed out of bed and pulling on a shirt, headed downstairs to greet them.

"A baby girl?" Wesley was grinning as he read over the note that Angel had left them taped to the computer monitor.

"Yep!" Angel said happily, startling them as he bound down the old stairwell two steps at a time, buttoning his shirt simultaneously.

"Why, that's wonderful!" Wesley gushed.

"Cool," Gunn smiled, a hint of a sparkle in the corner of his eyes. "Everything went smooth?"

"Yeah," Angel said as he'd finally reached the lobby floor and approached his partners. "Everything went perfectly."

"Angel," Wesley started, a huge grin on his face at recent good fortune. "You didn't say, what did they finally decide on naming her?" Angel threw them a sly grin and started towards the kitchenette.

"Evelyn…"

"Ah, beautiful choice," Wesley said as he and Gunn followed.

"Evelyn _Angel_ Taylor."

Wesley paused, an even larger grin crossing his face, and Gunn clasped his shoulder. Angel turned back and smiled.

"Why, that is the most wonderful thing!" Wesley exclaimed. He came forth and shook the vampire's hand most eagerly. "Congratulations! You must be so proud!"

"Yeah, man!" Gunn stepped forward, giving him a high-five. "That's cool! I bet you feel good."

"I do," Angel sighed. "For once, I do. But don't congratulate me…congratulate Cordelia…she did all the work. I'm just the name sake."

"I think I'll call her later," Wesley said as the three of them entered the small kitchen and sat down as Angel went to the refrigerator.

"Yeah," Gunn said, settling into his chair next to Wes. "I gotta meet this little Evelyn Angel Taylor…sounds like a real sweetheart."

"She is," Angel said, smiling proudly as he poured himself a glass of cold blood then two glasses of orange juice for his friends. "She's gorgeous, like her mother of course. She's got dark brown hair, and I think she'll have Cordy's eyes."

"Ah, that's wonderful!" Wesley commented again.

"How'd John do, man?" Gunn asked, looking amused. "Was the guy trippin' or what?"

"John…seemed…_fine_," Angel said taking a seat at the table. "He was completely calm…he didn't faint, as far as I know, and he took Cordelia's pre-birth slaughter pretty well."

"Ah, that must've been painful!" Gunn started to laugh.

"Yeah." Angel said, raising his brow. "Cordy's got quite a mouth on her,"

"Well, you can't exactly blame the girl," Wesley said thoughtfully. "Imagine if you were trying to push something that big out someplace that small—"

"PLEASE!" Gunn said grimacing and holding up a hand. Angel gave Wes the same look. "Don't wanna hear it! Don't wanna hear it…"

"Sorry," Wesley said. "I'm sure she did a wonderful job, and I wish the three of them all the happiness in the world."

"I hear that," Gunn said, holding up his glass. Wesley held up his.

"It is wonderful, and they will be happy," Angel said raising his glass. The three of them toasted the new family and then drank.

b____________________________________________a

That night, after a grueling battle with a sludge demon, Angel, Gunn and Wesley ended up at Cordelia's front door, tired and sore but in a good mood. She squealed when she opened the door and found them standing there, and ignoring the funny smell that came from the three men—stinky demon goop, most of which they had finally gotten off their clothes with a roll of paper towels and a few wet-naps—she grabbed the three of them in a hug and pulled them inside.

"I'm SO GLAD you're here!"

"We are too!" Wesley said adoringly as he wrapped his arms around the woman once again. He squeezed and sighed excitedly. Cordy beamed.

"So where's the little princess?" Gunn asked eagerly hugging her again when Wesley finally let go.

"She's asleep…finally, but you can still see her!"

"Have you gotten any sleep?" Angel asked noticing the dark circles forming under her eyes as he slipped off his coat and draped it over his arm.

"I napped a little this morning before John went to work, but I'm fine, I'm not tired." 

"Where is John?" Wesley asked.

"He went out to get some food, actually…" She blushed slightly. "My weird late night cravings haven't subsided yet, still recuperating, I guess…I wanted a pastrami and pickle sandwich. He went out to get it.

"Good man," Gunn said.

Cordelia animatedly gestured for everyone to follow her, and led them upstairs.

They were completely quiet as they tiptoed into the nursery, Cordelia first, then Wesley, Gunn, and finally Angel. One wall was covered in stuffed toys that John had insisted he buy throughout Cordelia's pregnancy; he wanted to start their child's collection early, and ended up buying every kind of stuffed animal you could think of. Angel reached out and picked up a plush gray elephant starring at it curiously while Cordelia led Gunn and Wesley towards the basinet. An empty crib stood in the opposite corner, waiting for the child to get big enough to sleep in. Cordelia was whispering to keep quiet when she looked down into the basinet and a huge grin wiped over her face.

"You little turd! You've been awake this whole time!" She reached down into the crib and started to lift the wide-awake-yet-silent infant.

"Turd," Wesley repeated glancing at Angel. "Very eloquent."

Angel laughed and placed the elephant back amongst its companions and walked over to join the group.

"She's beautiful," Gunn said, reaching out a finger to tickle the tiny girl's chin as her mother held her close. He started a brief repartee of baby talk to her and Evelyn looked up, startled at all the faces, trying intently to focus on each one. When she moved on to Angel, a calm over came her features and Cordelia could swear she had seen her smile.

John immediately noticed Angel's car parked at the curb in front of the house as he himself pulled into the driveway. He sighed a deep breath and after shutting off the car, grabbed the paper sack containing his wife's late-night snack, and in a huff, headed inside.

"Cord?" He called out as he entered the empty living room.

"Oh, John's home!" Cordy quipped handing Evelyn to Wesley prematurely. He fumbled with the baby, not quite ready for her when she had been shoved into his arms. She launched out into the hallway suddenly starving and not thinking about much of anything but food. She wanted…no, _needed_, that pickle and pastrami sandwich!

"Oh my!" Wesley said as he embraced the infant against him. She made a soft gurgling sound. "Oh my! Look at you! Look at you!" Wesley started in a babyish whisper. Gunn started up again, and the two carried on a whole conversation in gibberish with the little baby princess staring dizzily at them. 

Angel shook his head at the two grown men…just within the past half-hour they'd been fighting a potentially deadly fight against a potentially deadly sludge demon, and now…to see them reduced to nothing but a couple of babbling idiots...

It was agreeable though, as Evelyn seemed to be enjoying herself.

"Where's Evelyn?" John asked as he pushed the paper sack into his wife's hands and started towards the stairs.

"She's upstairs with Angel, Wes, and Gunn." She ripped open the bag and dug in with both hands, dropping the sack to the floor and shoving her sandwich in her mouth. "They stopped by to see her," She explained through a full mouth of food. One of the pickles almost escaped, but she caught it, and grinning at it, shoved it into her mouth. "MMMm…" She moaned. John turned back towards her; no attempt whatsoever to hide his disapproval.

"Cord, I told you last night," He came back to her and spoke in the harshest of whispers. "I don't want her alone with him."

"JOHN!" Cordy rolled her eyes, chewing with her mouth open. 

"I'm serious!"

"Don't be silly!" She took another bite and flippantly ignored his concerns. "MMMMM! This is SO GOOD!"

John in turn ignored her, and turning his back on her, headed up stairs.

To his relief, when he entered the nursery, it was Gunn who was holding the baby, and not Angel, though Angel was close by…a little too close for his comfort.

"John!" Wesley exclaimed greeting him with a smile and reaching out his hand to shake.

"Wes, good to see you!" John said, a genuine smile finally forming on his face.

"Congratulations!" Wesley quipped. "She's beautiful! She really is!"

"Thank you," John said in turn smiling at Gunn. "Glad to see you Gunn."

"Hey, man!" The smile spreading across his features came to an abrupt halt as a grimace took over and he wrinkled his nose. "Oh man! I think Evelyn let a stinky! EW!"

"Oh, let me see her," John moved towards her and took his daughter from Gunn's arms. Gunn fanned his hand in front of his nose, and took a step back. John moved to lay her down on the changing table and after unsnapping her layette, opened her diaper to reveal that Evelyn, in fact, had let a stinky.

"Stinky?" Angel repeated amused at Gunn.

"Well, how else do you describe it?" Gunn said sarcastically.

"I definitely think it falls under the stinky category…" Wesley said, now starting to fan his nose.

Cordelia came into the room, half her sandwich finished and still going at it eagerly.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?" She asked, mouth, yet again, full.

"Tea would be nice," Wesley said. "But let me get it, you've done enough in the last two days."

Cordy backed out of the room, then took another big bite of her sandwich, pausing to lick the stray mustard off her fingers and with Wesley, Gunn and Angel now following, they went back downstairs.

John, admittedly relieved that they had left, finished changing his daughter then picked her up and held her to him preciously as he took a seat in the rocking chair and whispered quiet things to her.

Cordy, Gunn and Angel took a seat in the living room. 

"Tell me everything!" Cordelia gushed. Angel laid his coat on the sofa next to him and sat back, relaxing, leaning his head back against the wall. Cordelia sat in the chair to his right, resting her feet on the ottoman as she finished off the last of her sandwich. And Gunn slumped down tiredly on the love seat across from them.

"I want to know everything that happened!" She continued on. "Don't leave out any details!"

"We fought a sludge demon." Angel said.

"That explains the smell,"

Gunn and Angel revered their clothing self-consciously and Wesley came from the kitchen carrying a tray of beverages: Two cups of hot tea for Wesley and Cordelia, a bottle of water for Gunn, and, a mug of warm blood for Angel.

"We did quite well," Wesley said as he served.

"We kicked it's ass!" Gunn corrected him.

"Oh, you did???" Cordy repeated excitedly. "Tell me! Tell me! What'd you do!"

"First we stalked him to that abandoned warehouse down on the east side, the one that used to be a fish factory, or a bean factory, or something—"

"OH! I know that place!" Cordelia bounced excitedly in her seat.

"And then, Angel kicked in the door!"

"OH! I loooove when he does that!" 

Angel shrugged modestly.

"…and then, Wes and I busted in after him, and this demon…boy, did he stank! He came charging at us like a bat out of hell!"

"Actually, there are no bats in hell," Angel interjected pointedly. "No bats…"

"Boy, did we scramble!" Gunn's eyes were bright. "Angel took the first hit," Angel looked away from Gunn and rubbed at his jaw where the pain had already receded. "…but he was able to fend off the thing when me and Wes came ready with axes!"

"The rest gets a little gory," Wesley cringed, sitting down next to Gunn and sipping his tea. Cordy leaned forward expectantly.

"TELL ME! TELL ME!"

"…and then," Gunn went on. "It charged us both! It came running and roaring, its breath reeking of somethin' awful…smelled like a dead cat or a goat or something,"

"A goat?" Wesley questioned.

"And then it knocked down Wesley! It jumped on him! And they rolled to the ground! It kicked Wesley over its head…I guess you could call it its head, that was its head, right?" He looked over questioningly at Angel. Angel shrugged.

"Sure, why not."

"And then it saw me!" Gunn explained. "And it got up, and started coming at me. And it roared something hideous!!! And it gave me another whiff of its bad breath…I swear I almost passed out! But then, it charged me again!

"Oh my god!" Cordelia exclaimed. "What did you do!"

"Then, I AXED HIM! Right in the head!" 

Cordelia gasped with envious shock. 

"And my axe stuck, but it didn't go down! It just tossed me aside and kept going at Angel!"

"You can only kill the sludge demon by decapitation and dismemberment," Wesley explained.

"I know that!" Cordelia scowled.

"Gunn didn't," Angel said lightly.

"I did so!" Gunn stated defensively. Angel laughed to himself. Gunn rolled his eyes. "PUH-LEASE! I was just trying to keep him off of you for a minute until you could shake off his attack!"

"I didn't need to shake off his attack."

"Didn't look that way to me,"

"Well, I didn't need to shake off his attack…" Angel claimed. "I was fine! Completely competent…"

"Sure, Superman…while you was slipping and sliding in that patch of green ooze, you looked completely competent…Uh huh! Yeah right—"

"Um," Wesley interrupted, giving Gunn a sharp glare before directing his speech to Cordelia. "Basically," He explained. "Gunn and I took the grunt of it, after that, until Angel could behead it with his sword, and then after casting the burial rite, we headed over here…"

"Oh!" Cordelia sighed, throwing her hands in the air and head back against the chair and gazing up at the vaulted ceiling. "It sounds sooo exciting!"

"Eh," Angel, Gunn and Wesley shrugged in unison.

"Same old, same old," Angel sighed. Gunn agreed and Wesley went back to sipping his tea.

"God! This sucks! Nothing exciting EVER happens to me!" Cordelia scowled. The three men looked up at her in shock.

"You just had a baby!" They all said.

"Oh…well yeah!" Cordy shrugged. "But besides that!"

"Cordy, we've had this conversation," Angel sighed. "You're not coming back to work. You're a mother now, I don't want you stalking demons into dark alleys,"

"It was a warehouse," Gunn corrected.

"OR dark warehouses," Angel stressed.

"Angel!" Cordelia's eyes flashed with annoyance.

"No, Cordelia," Wesley said. "Angel is quite right! Hunting demons is far too dangerous for you now, you have a daughter to think about,"

"I know," Cordelia sighed, crossing her arms sourly. "But I miss work."

"I know you do," Angel said sympathetically.

"But now you've got a new job," Gunn said. "And a baby to love,"

"Don't forget a husband too." Cordelia looked up and smiled as John came from the hallway. 

"Cord, Evelyn's asleep. I'm going to bed, don't be too long."

"I wont," She smiled.

"Good night everyone,"

"Good night," Angel, Gunn and Wesley mimicked. The three of them and Cordelia watched him go, disappearing back into the hallway. When he was gone, Cordelia sighed.

"Can't I come back and do research or something???"

"Research???" Angel raised his eye skeptically at the brunette. Wesley and Gunn did the same. "Research, are you feeling okay???" He got up to place a hand over her forehead. Cordelia pushed him away playfully.

"YES. I feel fine!"

"Are you sure?" Wesley teased. "I mean, research, that doesn't sound like you…"

"I miss the job!" She said defensively.

"You couldn't possibly miss it that much," Gunn joked. "Girl, you HATED research!."

"Okay, I can't deny THAT…but maybe its not just the job I miss," Her voice trailed softly, and she frowned at her teacup. The men grew quiet. "I mean," She said, raising her voice a little higher. "I miss you guys. It sucks being trapped in the house all day long, and as much as I love my new daughter, I love you guys too."

"Aw, Cordy," Angel smiled, placing his hand on her shoulder. Wesley and Gunn regarded her thoughtfully. Guilt played on all three's faces. "We miss you, too."

"So does that mean I can come back???" She grinned.

"NO." Angel shook his head, taking his seat back on the couch. Cordy scowled, and much to her dismay, he retorted with a smirk. She fell silent in revere of his obvious final decision. She looked so disappointed. Angel sighed, then added, "In a few months, we'll see…maybe you can come back to do 'research'."

"Really???" Cordelia's face immediately lit up.

"Yeah…maybe."

"Oh Angel, you are the best boss!" She launched herself past the ottoman, around the coffee table and over the couch to hug him. Angel smiled against her hair.

b____________________________________________a

   [1]: mailto:rachelpeek@excite.com



	2. 2

I Wont Fear Love

b ____________________________________________ a

I Wont Fear Love 

By [Rachel][1]

Rating: PG

Summary: Future; Angel/Cordelia; Cordelia tries to hold on to her new family and Angel, but her husband wont allow her to have it all, and Cordelia's faced with the hardest decision of her life. Originally inspired by Fumbling Towards Ecstasy:

b____________________________________________a

They left that evening and things went on the same as they had for the next four months. Evelyn grew, her personality quickly emerging in evident facial expressions and sounds. Cordelia shook her head.

'This one is going to be trouble. Fun, but trouble.' She tried to hold Evelyn still with one hand while she readied the plastic Pamper with the other. But Evelyn wasn't having any of that. She wiggled and whined and squirmed to the best of her might, and left Cordelia frustrated; the unused diaper in hand. Cordelia flung the diaper down on the changing table and sighed. 

"You WILL wear this diaper, Evelyn Angel, it's only a matter of time." Evelyn showed a silly face, her eyes squinting shut and her tongue sticking out of her mouth between still fresh gums. Cordelia smiled inwardly, taking the opportunity to grasp both of the infant's feet and lift them high off the table. She lifted the baby's bottom from the surface, slid the diaper beneath her, and was half way there before Evelyn had known what hit her. Evelyn started to cry bitterly. "Uh oh," Cordelia moaned, dressing the girl with sweet smelling baby powder and finally able to fold the diaper into place, secured it comfortably, much to Evelyn's distress. She picked up her baby, and held her against her shoulder, patting her back and rocking her gently. Evelyn started to quiet.

Cordy could just feel the defiance building up; ready to be unleashed, much to her fear, anywhere between the next 12 to 16 years. With a sigh, Cordelia wondered what she had gotten herself into.

"Kiddo, you're going to be a stubborn one." 

She smiled again though as she retired to their rocking chair, and lowering Evelyn in her arms, unbuttoned her blouse to feed her. Except for the calming suckling sounds, things were quiet.

This was Cordelia's favorite time. Peace and quiet…forming a bond with her child… What more could she want? She sighed uselessly at the thought of her husband.

It'd have been nice to have him on her side for once, once every so often, just once for him not to come home and interrogate her as to who came over when and how long did they stay and had they been alone with Evelyn again, and what did he say about that…

Of course he meant one man in particular. And Cordelia could do nothing to sway him from it. The argument went on and on.

Cordelia watched her baby's eyes, now closing contently as she zoned out and fed. Cordelia felt a pang of guilt, and started to rock, the rocking chair creaking every so slightly as its base rose and fell across the carpeting. She could see John's point of view. And she could almost understand why he might feel that way…but it was just so wrong. To regard Angel that way was just so…

"Ugh." Cordelia rolled her eyes. 

It was stupid. And irrational. And ridiculous. And misplaced. And just…totally wrong. She sighed.

There was nothing she could say to ease John's fears. The more she defied him, the worse he got. And for the last month, she couldn't even talk to him, about anything, without starting a fight that always ultimately came back to Angel. And it injured her. Where had that wonderful man that she had married gone? They'd been married for three years now. And things couldn't be worse. Cordelia closed her eyes and sat back silently.

He'd given her a choice last night. An ultimatum. One that Cordelia decided immediately not to acknowledge. But now in the simple surroundings of the nursery and the rest of the still house…while John was away at work, and Cordelia had time alone to think…she couldn't ignore it. It was eating at her.

Angel or her family.

Angel. Or her family.

Angel.

Or her family.

Didn't he see? Angel was her family! There was no way she could even answer to that!

How frustrating. And how unfair! How unnerving that a man she loved so much could possibly try to keep her from the man she trusted more than anything in the world. John had never been an unreasonable man. Never. Not ever. Not after being introduced to Cordelia. Not after dating Cordelia. Not after proposing to Cordelia, and certainly not after finding out he was going to be a new father...

Angel had taken a case involving disappearing business men from a major advertising agency in Burbank that supposedly might have had ties to the occult. The A.I. team had discovered that young associates were being duped into a frightening pact with the demon cult Bane Athol Dalero, and without their knowledge, were being sacrificed by the higher execs in the firm, at the CEO's control. The more sacrifices they made, the more money and power he got.

John had been one of the associates they had saved. And the moment he had laid eyes on Cordelia Chase, he'd fallen utterly and hopelessly in love.

Cordelia just didn't get it now. Angel had saved his life. And over the years, John had seen Angel save many, many, many other lives. How could he even think Angel would ever do anything to hurt anyone! Least of all, Evelyn! And how in the hell could he even regard Angel as being dangerous when he saw how Angel had taken care of Cordelia during her pregnancy? Saw how gentle Angel was with her, and saw how happy Angel was for the both of them as it all happened?

What had made him go so damned crazy that he was questioning _her_ love for her baby, and making insinuations that she must not care all that much if she could choose a blood thirsty demon over the safety of her child.

'Blood thirsty??? Who! Angel??? No way! He's not a killer, and John damn well knows that!' Cordelia wrinkled her nose in disgust and opened her eyes. All this insaneness was making her sick. 

She looked down. Evelyn had finished eating and now lay silently sleeping in her arms. Cordelia pulled herself out of the rocking chair and carefully laid her daughter back in her crib. She turned and left the room, going into her own and to her closet, which she flung open in agitation and began picking and choosing an outfit to wear that day.

Originally John had been fairly supportive. She worked through her first month of pregnancy not knowing she'd been pregnant, but when she found out, it had been Angel who took her off of work detail. She'd wanted to continue working as most women do until her seventh month or so before taking a standard maternity leave, but Angel wouldn't hear it. John had even been on her side, agreeing that if she wanted to work, let her work. But Angel saw the danger of that. He didn't want her anywhere in the line of fire. He didn't want her susceptible to anything having to do with the supernatural, and he didn't want her stressing over demonology research or their injuries when they got home from a hunt.

In the end, it had been the right thing. She knew that. And she appreciated it. Angel had truly protected her over the years. But now that Evelyn had been born, she couldn't think of a single reason why she shouldn't go back.

She was sick of the argument and sick and tired of sitting around and doing nothing all day. Cordelia had decided a week ago that it was about time she got back to work. She hadn't talked to anyone about it yet...not Angel, and least of all, not John. It would just infuriate him. And it was her decision to make. She wouldn't take no for an answer. Which all the more perplexed her…why would he say no?

Of course there was John's reason…blood thirsty Angel. But that was senseless and didn't count. There had been the question of spending time with Evelyn and not being there for her night and day… But Cordelia had figured that one out: She'd bring her to the office with her. No biggie. Especially if she was just helping out with the research.

She knew there was nothing John could do to convince her not to work, but she was worried about his reaction to keeping Evelyn with her. The way he was acting now…who knew what he'd do then? She admitted that it was a scary thought. 

Cordelia started to dress and shrugged her shoulders. 'I'll just tell him it's my decision…' She thought. Then nervously added, 'or I'll just lie and say I put her in daycare.' He wouldn't like the day care thing either…but it would be better than having to hear him go berserk over Evelyn being at Angel's…

But Cordelia shoved it all out of her mind. Right now, all she was worried about was getting out of the house. She finished dressing and went to Evelyn. She dressed her in her lavender jumper, complete with matching socks, mittens and hat, and, loading her into her carrier, left the house.

b____________________________________________a

A trip across town and twenty minutes later, Cordelia was pulling her Mercedes into Angel's parking garage.

"We're here!" She said excitedly to her baby strapped in her car seat in the back. Evelyn just looked wide-eyed. "Oh, Evelyn, I have missed this place so much," Cordelia sighed. She got out and eyed the entrance. She'd came by once or twice a week at first, stopping in to check on the boys, but the bigger she got, the harder it was for her to get around. And eventually, in the sixth month, she couldn't come at all. That didn't stop the guys from coming to see her, though. And so it'd been nearly six months since she'd been to the Hyperion. Seeing it again, she really missed the old place.

Her eyes lit up in wonder as she came through the door, carrying Evelyn in the carrier and dragging her purse and diaper bag along. The lobby looked just the same, a bit messier in the research area, but just the same. She came over to the workstation set up at the old check in counter and sat the carrier down. Evelyn chewed quietly on her mitten, and smiling, Cordelia went back and closed the door behind them. She came back over, dropping her purse and bag in a chair then spun around, staring at the high vaulted ceiling and hugged herself. She closed her eyes and breathed in the stale scent of old books and immediately felt home.

Evelyn started to fuss, and Cordelia paused looking over at her.

"Cordelia?"

Cordelia turned around and followed her eyes up the stairs to Angel. He came down quickly, still dressed in his sleepwear; white tank top and black pajama bottoms; surprised and delighted to see her.

"I heard the car…What are you doing here?" He asked as he came over and hugged her. She grinned profusely, but then Evelyn started to cry. Angel walked over to her and at the sight of him, she stopped. He smiled down at her and touched her face. Cordelia raised a brow.

"Angel, the effect you have on her is amazing."

"Is it?" He asked proudly, looking back to Cordy as Evelyn wrapped a warm, mittened hand over his finger.

"It is." She said, coming to stand beside him. They both looked down at the baby. "I've decided its time." She said simply.

"Time for what?" He asked.

"To come back to work."

Angel's eyes widened.

"Angel…I can't sit at home anymore. I need something to do. I miss being here. You don't even have to pay me," Cordelia smiled hopefully. "I just want to be back here where I belong. Just a couple of hours a day if you want. I'll research, I'll file paperwork, whatever you want me to do. Like I said, you don't even have to pay me…" She watched him carefully, crossing her fingers behind her back.

"Of course I'll pay you, Cordy," Angel stated. Her eyes lit up.

"Then I can work???"

"Yeah, of course."

"YAY!" She grabbed Angel around the waist and squeezed. Angel was startled and, letting out a giggle, pushed her away. "Oh my god," Cordelia stared. "Did you just giggle???" Angel looked embarrassed.

"It tickled." He said. 

"Oh." She gave him one of those looks and he glanced away.

"Want some coffee, or something?" He asked, heading towards the kitchen.

"No," She called. "Still breastfeeding, no major caffeine intake." 

Angel paused at the door and looked again embarrassed. She shook her head at him, awed at how easily he still discomfited. "I'll have some juice or something, though." She finished, giving him a quick assuring glance.

"I have some orange juice,"

"That'd be fine."

After a moment, Angel came back with a glass of orange juice for Cordelia and a cup of plain black coffee for himself. It was one of the few normal things he actually made the effort to drink.

"So how long do you…" His voice trailed off. Cordelia looked up at him expectantly.

"Do what?" She asked. He looked down at Evelyn, then back up at Cordelia again.

"Um, er, bre…bre…"

"Breastfeed?" She asked. Angel looked away.

"Yeah."

She shrugged. "Until I stop, I guess. I mean, some people do it longer than others. I suppose I'll stop soon. Definitely before she starts to cut teeth…" Angel gave her a painful glance. "Yeah," She said. "No kidding."

"What do you feed her then?" He asked curiously. "Milk?"

"Formula," She answered, taking another sip of juice. "Milk gives babies diarrhea." 

Angel grimaced. "Oh."

"Soon she can start eating baby food. Creamed carrots, whipped peas, mush…that sort of thing, all very appetizing."

"Sounds like it." Angel cringed. Cordelia leaned down and after mumbling some baby talk, kissed Evelyn's forehead. The baby stared up at her intensely

"How does John feel about you coming back now?" Angel asked. Cordelia paused hesitantly, and it was enough for Angel to notice. "Does he know you're coming back?" He asked suspiciously.

"Oh yeah!" Cordelia lied, turning her back to him and digging through the diaper bag for one of Evelyn's toys. "He's happy for me…he is. He thinks its about time too…I guess he's tired of me sitting around on my butt all day…" Cordelia withdrew a set of pastel colored plastic keys and gave them to Evelyn to chew on.

"He didn't seem that excited about it." Angel said.

Cordelia thought back to last week's conversation. John had come dangerously close to saying something offensive about Angel in front of Angel when Cordelia had invited all the guys over to dinner. He hadn't though…and so far, their argument had been kept a secret between them. Of course Angel had picked up on the hostility…Cordelia knew that. But he smiled and hadn't said anything, and she guessed he hadn't figured out what had actually been going on. He probably just figured John and Cordy were having a little spat. That was good. Just let him keep thinking that…

"It's not that," She said, slowly at first. "We…we just haven't been getting along the last week or so. Problems at work I guess…not a lot of sleep, that kinda thing."

"Oh." Angel said simply. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It happens." She glanced over at him but couldn't read what he was thinking. He caught her staring at him, and she looked away. "So, um, what can I do to help out?"

"Huh?"

"Here…" She said gesturing around her. "What can I do to help out? What case are you guys working on?"

"Oh," Angel cleared his throat and set his coffee cup down. He walked around the counter towards the table, littered with books and research material and sighed. "Um, we really aren't working on anything. What we need is this mess organized…"

"I can do that!" She said excitedly, coming around the counter and starting to finger the bindings.

"It's a big mess," Angel said again.

"Yeah, looks like it." Cordelia smiled as she looked at one book and then another. The subjects were sporadic and didn't have anything to do with eachother. It was obvious the books hadn't all been involved in any one assignment…it looked more like the guys had just been leaving everything out, case after case. She guessed that's what they'd been doing; leaving everything out. She was surprised Wesley would let it get this messy. Usually, he was so stringent with his materials… "You guys haven't been cleaning up, have you?" She asked.

Angel looked down shyly. "No…we haven't."

"I thought so…don't worry I'll get it straightened up." She started closing books and pushing them into different piles. Angel watched her, a hint of a smile meeting his lips. Feeling him watching her, she looked up.

"We've really missed you, Cordy. Really."

"I've missed you guys too." She smiled. Angel nodded and started to back away.

"I'm gonna go change."

"Sure."

He left, and Cordelia returned to the pile of books, of which it took her nearly three hours to categorize and shelve that day.

b____________________________________________a

That afternoon they were all having a good laugh over Wesley trying to change the baby's diaper.

"Oh, man!" Gun laughed out right at him. "Dude! You don't fit the diaper on that way!"

"Then how do you bloody do it?" Wesley asked, starting to get flustered. Evelyn gurgled. Cordelia was having the time of her life, laughing at Wesley's ignorance from the sidelines. Angel sat grinning, arms folded across his chest, but quiet. He didn't dare laugh. He wouldn't know what he was doing either.

"Brother, step aside!" Gunn said, pushing Wesley out of the way.

"Gladly," Wesley mumbled, relinquishing the honor to Gunn. He folded his arms and stood apart, as Gunn took up the baby powder and rolling up his sleeves, went in like a pro. Cordelia watched in utter amusement. After a few moments of fierce concentration, Gunn held up the child triumphantly.

"Ah ha! See?"

And then, the diaper fell off.

"Damn!" Gunn cursed. Evelyn stared in confusion at the faces staring back at her; her naked butt displayed to the room. Cordelia fell over on the couch, laughing so hard her ribs hurt, and Wesley came up to Gunn, shaking his head in contempt. Angel chuckled to himself, and looked away.

"Good job, Nanny Gunn." Wesley spat, picking up the mangled diaper and depositing it in the trash. Gunn carefully laid Evelyn back over the baby blanket on the counter and stood back, arms crossed.

"I don't know what to do." He admitted. "This is harder than it looks!"

"You think Cordelia has it easy?" Wesley snapped. He looked back at the flushed brunette. "How do you do this day in and day out?"

"It just comes to you eventually." She smiled, bearing one of her brilliant Cordelia Chase grins. Angel felt his chest well as he stared at her. "I think Angel should try." She added suddenly. Any color drained from his face.

"Me???"

"Yeah, why not!"

"Why not, Big Guy?" Gunn smirked.

"Give it a try!" Wesley said. "You certainly couldn't do any worse than Gunn did…"

"Hey! At least I got the thing on,"

"But it fell right off." Wesley snickered. "It doesn't work unless it stays on."

"Very funny, English. Very funny…"

"Yes," Wesley said, adjusting his glasses. "I thought so."

"Come on, Angel, its not hard!" Cordelia jumped up from the couch and took him by the arm. She dragged him over to the half naked baby and pushed him before her. "Go on! It's easy!"

"What do I do first???" He asked.

"Powder," Wesley suggested.

"Oh, I think she's had enough powder!" Gunn quipped, giving Wesley a sad look. Wesley blushed.

"Well, how was I to know the lid was loose."

"You nearly dumped the whole bottle on her!"

"I dusted her off!"

"Guys," Angel said painfully. They both quieted.

"Try putting the diaper on her now." Cordelia suggested. He looked at her helplessly but she offered no further assistance. Instead, she watched him acutely, big hazel eyes shining in interest at how he would handle the task. Angel gulped, and picked up a fresh diaper. He looked down to Evelyn, almost for permission, and she opened her mouth and squinted her eyes at him. He guessed that was her way of telling him she would cooperate, and so Angel started the unfamiliar process.

Within a few minutes, the diaper was on, and successfully, and Angel stepped back to let Cordelia insect his work.

"Not bad," She said, lifting the princess from the counter and cradling her against her chest. "Not bad at all…" And then she beamed. "Go Angel!" 

He grinned.

"Go Angel! Go Angel!" Gunn and Wesley started up.

"It worked?" He asked, a tad surprised.

"It worked," Cordelia confirmed, rubbing her baby's back. While Angel smiled shyly, and Wes and Gunn kept up their cheers, Cordelia felt Evelyn clamp on to her breast; a sure sign she was hungry. Without much regard to the others she slipped down into the comfortable sofa and quickly unbuttoning her blouse and lowering her feeding bra, brought Evelyn's mouth up to feed. The room suddenly went quiet.

The guys looked shocked. Cordelia glanced up at them dumbly.

"What?" She asked.

"Oh…um…er…uh…" Wesley couldn't speak and looked away. Angel didn't even bother to try to explain the awkwardness and Gunn just shook his head.

"She's gotta eat, ya know." Cordy said dryly.

"Of…of course." Wesley said, shakily. He adjusted his glasses and looked about the room. "I, uh, I need to get something off the Internet." He quickly walked away and hunkered down behind the computer. Cordelia raised a brow at him.

"Since when do you know how to use the Internet?"

"I need to sharpen my axe," Gunn said, quickly starting towards the basement.

"Gunn!"

"I...uh…I…." Cordelia glared up at Angel. He shrugged uncomfortably and finally admitted, "It's weird, is all."

"Oh." Cordelia looked down, contemplating Evelyn, suckling contently. Then she looked back up at him. "Not to me, it isn't."

"Of course not." He said egregiously, and then smiled. This brought a small smile to Cordelia's lips. Angel backed away though. "I think…I think I'm gonna go help, Gunn, okay?"

"Fine," She sighed, but not really in the least offended.

"Thanks." Angel mumbled, and quickly left. 

From behind the computer, Wesley peeked out. Meeting Cordelia's eyes, he ducked back for cover. Cordelia giggled and gave up. Some things men just weren't able to handle.

b____________________________________________a

   [1]: mailto:rachelpeek@excite.com



	3. 3

I Wont Fear Love

I Wont Fear Love

By [Rachel][1]

Rating: PG

Summary: Future; Angel/Cordelia; Cordelia tries to hold on to her new family and Angel, but her husband wont allow her to have it all, and Cordelia's faced with the hardest decision of her life.

**Part 3:**

"It's getting late. I've got to get Evelyn home…John's going to be there, if he isn't already, and I don't want him to worry." The guys walked Cordelia out to her car. It was after six thirty.

"God, today was so great, you can't even begin to imagine!" Cordelia beamed as she strapped Evelyn's carrier into its base converting it to a car seat in the backseat of her Mercedes. "WOW! To think, all that I got done today!" She went on. "I LOVE work! I love it! It gives me such a sense of…of…"

"Cordelia?"

"Accomplishment! I really hate to have to leave. I wish I could just stay all night, like old times!"

"Cordelia?" Angel repeated again, giving the car a sideways glance and standing back a few feet. Wesley and Gunn stood to stare beside him.

"What?" She asked, turning around.

"Your tire's flat."

"Huh?" She looked down. "Ah, dammit!" She stamped her foot and wrinkled her nose. Silently, she imagined the clock ticking away. She'd already stayed too late as it was, and she was sort of starting to worry about getting home too late. She didn't want to fight with John. She looked down at the tire again. The Powers must be against her. The Powers wanted to ruin her marriage, she just knew it. She didn't need their help when she did a well enough job of that on her own. Besides the sexual frustration that comes after having a baby, there was this whole thing about work…and Angel…and an attitude from her husband that she just didn't need. Cordelia sighed in frustration and crossed her arms sourly. There was no way around it. "Now I'm going to be late!"

"You got a spare?" Gunn asked. "We can fix it right quick."

"I dunno." Cordelia shrugged. "Maybe?"

"Maybe?" Angel repeated slightly amused. He and Gunn shared a smirk.

"I dunno." She rolled her eyes. "Where would it be?"

"Ah, the trunk I'd presume," Wesley adjusted his glasses. Cordelia gave him a 'DUH' look as he circled the car around to the driver's side and opened the driver's door. Cordelia removed Evelyn from the car seat and held her, bouncing her slightly.

"I was kidding,"

"Sure you were." Gunn now rolled his eyes. 

"I was. You really think I'm that daft?" Cordelia wrinkled her nose and started to feel annoyed.

"Of course you were kidding." Angel jumped in, quick to spare her feelings. "You were kidding," He glanced at the other two men and then decided to try for extra Brownie points. "Of course you were kidding, and then you said you didn't know, and then you tricked Wesley," Anything at Wesley's expense. Wesley gave him a pained expression. "Wesley thought you were serious. And so did Gunn," Now Gunn gave him a pained expression. Angel stammered on, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I…I thought it was funny. Hehe! See, I'm laughing! It was funny, Cordy…you're a…a funny girl." Okay, now he was talking way too much. "It was…funny." 

Cordelia shot him a big smile. Angel smiled back and looked away shyly.

"Pop the trunk, yo, and lets have a look." Gunn dragged Angel to the trunk of the car and waited. After a second it snapped, and propped open a few inches. Gunn lifted the trunk lid and he and Angel started rummaging through all the stuff in the back. Wesley joined the others at the back of the car.

"Maybe its under here," Angel said, shoving a bunch of old shopping bags out of the way.

"My, my, Cordelia," Wesley shook his head. "Seriously, I think you're in need of Shop-a-holics Anonymous. Look at all of these shopping bags!"

Cordelia said nothing but scowled, and after a moment of watching over their shoulders, they reigned victorious, and Angel pulled the spare tire from the debris of the trunk.

"You got a jack?" Gunn asked. Cordelia gave him the same confused look as when he'd asked about the spare. "Ah, Nevermind!" He said disgustedly.

"There's one in my trunk," Angel smiled, steadying the tire on the edge of the trunk as he dug through his pocket for his keys. He tossed the keys to Gunn and Gunn headed over to the Plymouth…still in mint condition, Cordelia thought, and after all these years… It hadn't aged a bit; just like Angel.

A few moments later, Angel was unscrewing the flat and replacing it with the spare.

"There." He said gruffly as he forced the last nut into place. Slowly Gunn let the jack down, and to their astonishment, the tire was still flat.

"Dammit." Cordelia sighed. "Did you put the wrong one back!"

"What do you think this is?" Gunn asked. "I Love Lucy? No, we didn't put the wrong one back!"

"Cordy," Angel asked, cocking his head to look up at her. "How long has this spare been in your trunk?"

"I don't know!" She snapped. "I let John worry about all that stuff."

"Oh, bother." Wesley mumbled looking away.

Evelyn started to fuss.

"Just great! How am I supposed to get home now?" Cordelia huffed, bouncing her daughter to silence her.

"I'll take you," Angel said, rising to his feet and wiping his greasy hands on an old rag. "Leave your car here, and tomorrow, the guys can take the tire to get it repaired."

"And how do I get here tomorrow?" She asked.

"I can pick you up," Wesley said.

"Okay…what time?"

"Oh, around noon or so?"

"Okay, that's fine, I guess." Cordelia scowled at the car. It just figures something like this would happen. She looked at her watch and sighed. John would definitely be getting home any minute, and now he'd question where she'd been. And she'd have to tell him the truth.

The guys had started to transfer her things from her car to Angel's and Cordelia stood back, watching as she held Evelyn. When everything was done, all she had to do was strap Evelyn back into the car seat, say her good byes to Gunn and Wes, and get in the car herself. Angel steered the car out of the parking garage and out into the street.

It was just after dusk.

"Thanks for letting me come back today." Cordelia said from the passenger's side. Angel glanced over at her before looking back to the road and smiling.

"Thanks for coming back. You got a lot of stuff in order. We were about to drown in all those books."

"Yeah," She said caustically. "I noticed."

Angel looked at her again. "Things okay?" He asked quizzically.

Cordelia straightened up in her seat. "Of course. Why wouldn't they be?"

"I don't know." Angel shrugged. "Just…just you seem…tense, all of a sudden."

"Oh?" She reminded herself to relax.

"Yeah…sort of the way you were last week at dinner."

Oh. That.

"I don't know what you mean." Cordelia lied cheerily. She sat up straight and glanced back in the backseat at Evelyn, grinning brightly when she met her baby's sleepy eyes. Evelyn's lips curled up at the edges and she shoved her fingers into her mouth.

"That little argument you were having with John," Angel said, the color of the streetlights flowing over them in lines through the shadows as they rode along. He shrugged. "I know there's tension…I imagine things have been tough for you guys lately, and, even though I don't really know what's going on, well, you know you can talk to me if you need to."

"Angel. Things are fine." She said flippantly. She turned to stare out her window and Angel cocked his head at her.

"Is the baby wearing you out?"

"No!" She forced a laugh. "Angel. Things. Are. Fine."

"Is it something with John?"

Her face fell slightly but she shrugged. "Angel, no…"

"Is it something with me?"

Cordelia went silent.

Angel hadn't really expected it when he said it, but now that he had, he got the feeling that he had pinpointed the situation. He glanced at Cordelia, sitting stiffly to his right. Her eyes were fixated straight ahead, and he didn't need to wait for the trail of a streetlight to fall across her features to know that she was in sudden conflict.

"Cordy? Did I do something?" He asked in earnest. "Is John—are you—are you mad at me?"  
"No, Angel." She sighed. "No. You haven't done anything."

"Then why—"

"It's not about you, okay?" She looked over at him then. "It's not about you. It's me. It's not about you, so just drop it. Okay?"

He was about to say something else when the look on her face stopped him. He shrugged in agreement and kept on driving. Cordelia retired to stare out her window again, Evelyn fell asleep in the back, and fifteen minutes later, they had reached her house.

"Thank you for the ride," She said as she began to get out of the car.

"Need some help?" Angel asked, jumping from his seat. He was already out of the car and at her side as she started to lift a very drowsy Evelyn from the car seat.

"No," Cordelia said. "I think I can manage."

"Are you sure?" He asked, holding the door wide as she stepped back. She eyed her things, and then her sleeping daughter.

"Well…"

Before she could say anything more, he began gathering up her things; car seat, diaper bag, purse, which was actually much heavier than it looked he noticed as he swung it over his shoulder with the diaper bag, all in one swoop.

"Nice handbag," She mused, turning to walk towards the house. "It goes great with your outfit."

"I try." He said dryly.

As they walked towards the house, Cordelia began to feel uneasy. She knew John's car was in the garage, she could feel it. She took a deep breath as they reached the front door, but before she could even take up the door handle, the door was swinging open and John was standing sternly before her.

"Where've you been?"

It wasn't a question exactly; definitely a reprimand.

"Angel's," She mumbled, eyeing him and then trying to move past him. His body stopped her and he gave her a hard look before finally acknowledging Angel's presence.

"Cordy came over and straightened up the office," Angel said, unable to ignore the thick tension between the couple. It was enough to make him want to run and hide. He could imagine how it was making Cordelia feel. He glanced quickly at Cordelia, trying to read her face, but all he saw was a brick wall. Whatever was going on between them, she wasn't about to falter with it. John held the same stony expression. It was a grudge match. 

"…she would have been home sooner, but she got a flat. Tire that is," Angel added, compelled to go on as John remained quiet. "Her car's in my garage, Gunn's going to have it fixed tomorrow. So…I brought her home."

"Well. That's nice of you."

Finally, a response.

"Sure." Angel shrugged, still holding everything.

"Let me help you with that," John started.

"Oh, I got it." But John was already taking everything.

"I appreciate you giving Cord a ride home," John stated formally. He ducked back into the house and dropped the things in a heap on the floor. He still hadn't let Cordelia pass. Now he reached out for the baby. Reluctantly, Cordelia handed her over. Angel looked from one face to the other apprehensively. Putting his hands on his hips, he waited for whatever was brewing to explode. John didn't pay either of them mind now, just talked quietly to his baby. He still blocked the entrance, as if not to let Cordelia pass. Angel was about to say something.

"Angel, let me walk you back to the car," Cordelia said suddenly, turning to her friend and offering a slight smile. Angel frowned.

"Okay." 

She turned and started back down the walkway. Angel followed, letting his eyes linger on John and the infant in a brief moment of hesitation. John, still cooing to the baby, turned around and walked inside without saying another word.

Cordelia tried to act carefree. She walked with a swing in her hips and a small smile on her lips. Angel saw through it.

"So!" She said cheerily. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow,"

"Yeah." Angel responded. They were at the car again.

"Again, thanks for the ride home."

"No sweat."

"See ya later." Cordelia turned to go back, but Angel caught her wrist. When she turned around, it was slowly, with her eyes averted to the pavement and her lips turned down slightly. Angel sighed.

"Cordelia, if you need me, call me."

She nodded her head silently.

His fingers lingered in hers before he let them drop and again she turned away. He got in his car, but watched until she got safely inside the house and the door closed fully before starting the ignition and pulling away. He thought about her the whole way home…

"CORDELIA! I FORBID IT!"

"YOU CAN'T FORBID ANYTHING!"

"THE HELL I CAN! SHE'S MY DAUGHTER TOO!"

"I KNOW SHE IS! DAMMIT, BUT SHE'S ALSO MINE, AND I HAVE A RIGHT,"

"YOU DON'T HAVE A RIGHT TO PUT HER IN DANGER!"

"SHE'S NOT IN DANGER, JOHN!!! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!"

"EVERY TIME YOU PUT HER WITHIN A BLOCK OF THAT GUY, SHE'S IN DANGER."

"JOHN!!!" Cordelia was at a loss. "John! Don't be stupid! Angel's—"

"I'M NOT BEING STUPID. You just don't get it! You don't get it at all! You're blinded! Completely blinded!"

"I'M NOT BLINDED TO ANYTHING!"

"YOU'RE COMPLETELY BLIND! HE'S A FREAKING VAMPIRE, CORDELIA! AV A M P I R E!!"

"HE HAS A SOUL, DAMMIT! HE'S NOT A MONSTER!"

"HE DRINKS BLOOD! HE CAN'T GO OUT INTO THE DAYLIGHT! HE'S STRONGER THAN SUPERMAN!" John was pacing furiously now, in circles around Cordelia. "HE CAN SNAP A SPINE IN ONE PINCH! Tell me honestly that's not a monster! Tell me honestly that you don't find that remotely dangerous?"

"Not with Evelyn!" She cried out uselessly. "Not with Evelyn! Not Angel!"

"You're putting him first." John spat and walked away.

"I...I am not!"

"You are!" he yelled from the hallway. "You're putting that demon first!"

"I am not! You're crazy!"

But he was already gone, disappearing deeper into the house somewhere.

'Coward,' Cordelia thought. 'Run and hide! Go ahead!' And then Evelyn started to cry.

"Oh my god," She cursed. She scooped up the baby from the sofa where John had left her when the argument began. She held the baby against her chest, cupping her head to her shoulder and shushing her as she cried. The baby's wails continued. Cordelia felt like crying herself.

Angel returned to the Hyperion and eyeing Cordelia's Mercedes, he slowly got out of the car.

John's behavior had pissed him off. Who the hell did he think he was to treat Cordelia like that anyway? If things were sour between them, whatever. It happens. Marriages fail. For Cordelia's sake, he'd hoped it hadn't. He knew she loved John. But in his head, he was starting to wonder if it wouldn't be a good thing...no stop thinking like that.

He knew something was up, exactly what he wasn't sure. But he was positive he played some role in it. Cordelia's behavior when he'd asked her about it earlier had confirmed that fear. What if John didn't want her coming around anymore… But why? John knew how important A.I. was to Cordy. And John knew how important Cordy was to A.I…to him. John wouldn't try to make her give it up, would he? Give him up…

Angel thought back to the dinner party when they'd been talking about work, and John just sat their, silent. Cordy had been on the edge of her seat, listening, absorbing it all, looking envious. John said nothing. He didn't add anything to the conversation. Not a damn thing. He thought he was better then them. Now he thought Cordy was better than them. Just because he was white collar? Angel shook his head. No. That wasn't it. It was something else, John wasn't like that. He wasn't a snob… 

Was it that he didn't think Cordy would be safe? Angel wouldn't let her not be. He wouldn't let her do any work that would put her in any danger. John knew that. John KNEW how much Angel loved her…

Angel stopped.

Was that it? He knew he loved her? He was jealous?

Would he be, though? He knew Angel loved her, but he didn't know the extent of it. He didn't know Angel was "in love" with her, or had ever been. Angel had kept that secret hidden forever. NO ONE knew. He'd even made himself forget it for a while… But had he slipped? Had he said something? Had he reacted to her somehow in front of John that led John to believe otherwise? Angel didn't think so. By now, his actions were formulated and concise. He didn't make mistakes. He didn't let things slip. No, his secret was still safe… 

Angel had always supported their marriage. Sometimes he thought it'd kill him, but he was just happy to see Cordelia happy. She was happy with John. John gave her everything that he knew he never could. Angel wasn't jealous; he envied John, but he was never jealous. Jealousy was a selfish action, and Angel didn't deserve to be selfish. Jealous, no. Angry, sure. If John was going to treat Cordelia this way… Up until now, Angel had never had anything against John.

So was it something John had against him?

Ah, too much thinking! Maybe Angel was making more out of it then he should have been. Maybe it was just a lover's quarrel, a domestic spat. Entering the lobby, he took off his coat with a sigh.

"Angel we've got to go," Wesley said in all urgency as he and Gunn came rushing out of his office.

"Huh?" Angel said, slightly dazed.

"We. Go. Now. Not that hard to understand,"

Angel snapped to attention and again put on his coat. He snatched the battleaxe Gunn tossed to him in mid-flight, and followed the other two men out to Gunn's truck. 

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"Got a call," Gunn explained. "Gang of Vamps on West Sunset."

"Yes," Wesley said gruffly. "They apparently did a home invasion and have killed two people. The maid hid, and called us,"

"Home invasion?" Angel repeated disturbed. "They're using tactics now?"

"Not for long,"

"They'll be dust soon," Gunn said surely. The three of them climbed into the tricked out truck and Gunn started the engine. "Guess it's time to visit the rich side of town. That would be a first, huh?"

Angel grumbled, his adrenaline rising for the fight.

"Let's go."

"It's my job," She said quietly as she slipped into bed. Cordelia had just fed Evelyn and put her to sleep in her crib. It was late, after eleven. John gave her a scathing look. This is the first time they'd spoke since he'd walked away from her hours before. She was trying her best to work her way back in; get past his defenses, and make him open up to her enough to let him see her point of view. She was sure if he gave her a chance, he'd see it. And she could fix it. John…John was always such a fair, caring, man.

"John, please…I don't want to fight."

"Then make your decision."

  
This earned him a hard stare. Cordelia almost didn't believe him.

"John. Don't make me do this."

"Cordelia, make your decision. It's him or us."

"John!"

"Him. Or. Us."

She sat quietly.

"Him. Or. US."

Cordelia scowled. So much for trying to get past his defenses…

"Us??? Or you? I'm not about to choose you over Angel, so give that idea a rest! If you're speaking about my daughter, then I choose my daughter! Over everyone! INCLUDING YOU."

John flinched, but hid it. "I'm your husband! You most certainly should be choosing me over him!"

"You're my husband," Cordelia confirmed. "But he's my best friend. And my oldest…both in the literal and non literal sense, duh! And he's taken care of me for years! You can't just make me forget about him! You can't just make me cut him out of my life, that'd be like me telling you you couldn't visit your parents anymore. That's what Angel is to me,"

"Your _family?_" John mocked in a sugary sweet voice.

"Yes." She growled, angered by his tone.

"Well, he might have taken care of you then, but I'm taking care of you now! I'm your family now, me and Evelyn, and that's all you should need—"

"I have more needs than you could handle," She muttered.

"Don't blame that one on me!" John hissed. "You're the one putting the distance between us, if anything, blame him."

"I can't blame Angel for something you do." Cordelia said quietly. John closed the book he had had on his lap and tossed it to the floor. He sat back hard against the headboard.

"Well, what would you like to do about it!"

"Well, it'd be nice if just once, you'd pay me some attention—"

"Doesn't _Angel_ give you all the attention you need?"

"John, please!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but it's hard for me to even look at you sometimes,"

"Why! Why is that!"

"You don't make your self available to me,"

"Available! What kind of bullshit is that!"

"It's not bullshit, it's the truth!

"That's bullshit, John! And you know it!"

"All I know is that I don't know my wife anymore!"

"John!"

"I don't! We haven't had sex in months!"

"So now you don't know me unless we're having sex???"

"You know what I mean! You've been preoccupied!"

"Excuse me, but I've been _taking care of our daughter_, remember???"

"So now you're going to use Evelyn as an excuse not to sleep with me?"

"Why not! You're using Angel!" Ah ha! Victory! She saw him flinch. That's all she needed to railroad ahead with it. "That is it, isn't it? You're blaming Angel for me not giving you any, because you know that he can't get any, yet he still holds my attention better than you ever have!" Cordelia had to stop herself from grinning at that remark. It was low, and not fair to Angel at all, but the look on John's face was priceless. She'd been taking so much shit from him lately, it was nice to send a little of it back. But then John flung the covers away and stumbled off the bed to his feet. 

He was seething. Dangerously. Cordelia withdrew slightly into the covers, watching him carefully, not letting her eyes flinch. He stared so angrily at her. He was so livid. She started to rethink her strategy…she started to regret pushing it this far…

"OH DAMN YOU!" He finally hissed.

"John!!!" Cordelia's eyes went wide. "John! John! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, where are you going!"

John was struggling to dress quickly, and by the look on his face, completely furious.

"Where are you going!" Cordelia demanded. But he wouldn't answer her. "John!" She barely had time to jump from the bed before he was already dressed and halfway out the door into the hallway. She followed him down the stairs to the garage door. John yanked his coat out of the closet and pulled it on. Cordelia got between him and the door and demanded to know where he was going at this late hour. John withdrew his keys and threatened her to move.

"I WILL NOT!" She screamed.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

"NOT UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE GOING!"

"OUT! BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND TO BE IN THE HOUSE WITH YOU FOR ANOTHER MINUTE!"

"JOHN!!!"

"CORDELIA! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!"

Then he grabbed her and pushed her, and before she had time to catch herself, he was already out the door. Cordelia was reeling, and by the time she got to the door herself, his car was already out on the street pulling away. She listened to his tires peel out and then listened as they screeched around the corner and disappeared into the night. The automated garage door had slowly started to close, the shriek of metal grinding a little as the weathered aluminum slid back into place.

Cordelia stood in her doorway, holding the door with one firm hand. Her eyes had closed and her body was shaking with intensity. That had to be the worst fight they'd ever had. He'd never laid a hand on her before. Cordelia opened her eyes, grit her teeth and then slammed the door closed with all her might. Her anger reverberated through the entire house, and as tears burned in her eyes, Evelyn started to cry upstairs. Cordelia rubbed her eyes hard, taking a deep focused breath before running up the stairs to her child.

"Cordelia, if you want to work, I can't stop you. But I can stop you from exposing our daughter to him. That much I can do."

"You'll do no such thing!" She said, outraged.

"CORDELIA," John stressed. He gave her a cold look, and leaning in towards her, whispered bleakly, "Don't make me force the issue. For your sake…please don't make me force the issue."

"John," She snapped, cocking her head at him wryly. "Are you threatening me?"

Cordelia relived the entire conversation over and over in her head as Wesley drove her to work.

John had returned home earlier that morning sometime just after seven. He'd smelled like he'd slept in a bar all night, and Cordelia wanted nothing to do with him. But he'd continued trying to pick fights with her. And after he'd gotten showered and changed for work, he came downstairs to the kitchen where Cordelia was washing dishes and where Evelyn sat in her carrier on top of the kitchen table, and he grabbed up Evelyn and started out the door to leave. That was when Cordelia had lost it.

He ended up taking her, and he'd had every right… Evelyn was his daughter too. But Cordelia wasn't ready for Evelyn to start bottle-feeding yet, and without her being there to nurse her, bottle-feeding was just going to have to start sooner than she'd wanted. She figured that John would rather keep Evelyn in his office with him all daythan leave her at his company's day care, and that was a slight relief. Not that she didn't trust John not to feed her at the proper times, or change her diapers, or give her enough attention. He would take care of her, Cordy knew he would. But Cordelia was nervous with the whole situation. The fight, the baby… Plus, this was the first time since Evelyn had been born that she'd been apart from her. Cordelia missed her. She chewed her nails.

"How are you doing so far?" Wesley asked. Cordelia looked over at Wesley. He smiled like he knew what she was thinking…as if he'd been reading her mind. "Well, I assume there is some anxiety over letting John take over with Evelyn, even if it is for just a day…" Cordelia eased back in her seat. She felt like she might throw up. "I bet John was excited though, the proud father getting to take her to work for the day. Ah, he must be so pleased!"

"Uh, yeah," Cordelia mumbled. "He was."

She hadn't told Wesley anything about the argument. She didn't plan on telling anyone. If she could, she'd forget about it for the rest of the day, enjoy some peace and quiet…if you could call working at A.I. peace and quiet, and she would deal with it all later. Always later. Always later…things just seemed too hard at the moment.

"Hey," Angel said, getting up from his place at his desk to welcome her.

"Hey," She mustered with a tired smile.

"You okay?" He asked, his senses perceiving an uneasiness about her. Wesley walked past and into his office, leaving the two of them alone for the moment. He stared at her thoughtfully, gently touching the small of her back with his fingers as he turned to walk with her towards her own desk, now cleaned and organized and ready for her return. Angel wouldn't say it, but he was so excited to have her back. 

"I'm fine, Angel," She lied. "Just a little tired is all, didn't sleep much last night."

"Where's Evelyn?"

"Oh. John took her." She looked down sadly, but when her face rose again she was wearing a tight lipped smile, adamant not to let her mood slip out. "Work. He took her to work with him. Jealous, I guess, of all the time I've been getting to spend with her,"

"I see." Angel said shortly, crossing his arms and staring.

"Yeah…so, you just get me today!" She made the effort to add a little laugh to her sentence, and she sat down carelessly on the edge of her desk, dropping her bag next to her. Angel circled softly to her right.

"You didn't have to come in, you know, if things are…well,"

"Oh, Angel!" Cordelia smiled, bigger, brighter, and pushed at his arm gently. "Really, don't. I'm here. I'm ready. I'm willing to work! Don't worry about my home life. I'm here as an employee."

He regarded her thoughtfully.

"A partner." He corrected her.

"Huh?"

"Partner, Cordy. You're a partner. Always have been."

"Ah, yes!" She grinned now, slightly loosening up. Angel was glad to see her smiling genuinely. She started to shrug off her coat and he came around, behind her, to help her take it off.Cordelia smiled to herself, pausing as she felt his cool fingertips skim her shoulders, pulling the fabric away. She pushed last night's fight out of her head, and put her efforts into their conversation. 

"I am so ready to work, Angel."

"Good, because Gunn's out doing some legwork on a new case…"

Cordelia looked up at him anxiously. He smiled, shaking his head, and her grin faltered in minor disappointment.

"When he gets back." Angel went on to promise. "He'll be back in about an hour. Oh, and I had him take the tire in this morning, so when he gets back with it, I'll fix your car."

"Eh," Cordy waived her hand flippantly. "I'm in no rush, I kind of like carpooling," She smiled again. "It reminds me of old times, when I was car-less. Remember?"

"Like it was yesterday,"

"God. This is so good!" She exclaimed. She'd risen from the desk and walked around to her desk chair. She spilled herself down into it, stretching her fingers and then reached forward to turn on her laptop.

"I found this," Angel said suddenly, reaching down to pull open the top drawer of her desk. Cordelia's head turned down to follow his hand. He reached in and pulled out her old nameplate…'Cordelia Chase' it read engrained in bold letters. Cordelia smirked and reached for it.

"Cool."

"I suppose I should order a new one…with 'Taylor' on it,. We never did, you know, even after the wedding,"

"Nah." Cordy said too quickly, taking the plate and plopping it down at the edge of her desk. She stared at it enthusiastically, and then turned in her seat to look up at him; her eyes looking so much like the 19 year old Cordelia that he remembered sitting in this desk for the first time…well, not this desk per say. That desk had burned up in a fire, but it was a desk, and it was working with him, so it felt the same. He must've started to look nostalgic because she looked at him with an acknowledging reluctance, and said, "Brings back memories, doesn't it?"

"Yeah."

She turned around in her chair and busily started to play with her computer. 

"God I hope I can still do this. I'm out of practice!"

"You can do it."

"You know, it's been so long, I even almost forgot I was 'Vision Girl.' Talk about old times…those days are LONG gone, huh?"

Angel circled softly around the desk again, to her left now, and very much wanting to reach out and touch her hair, refrained; instead answering serenely,

"You'll always be my Vision Girl."

Cordelia turned back, regarding him with bright, youthful eyes.

   [1]: mailto:rachelpeek@excite.com



End file.
